Changing Fast and Slow

Image: Silke Lemcke/Pixabay.com

By Peg Ryan
Mile High Pilates and Yoga

August 28, 2017

We know that everything is always changing.  Why is it then that some things seems to change too quickly while other things change way too slowly.  All it takes is a visit from friends or family members who don’t live near you.  It doesn’t matter how many Facebook posts you’ve seen through the years.  Seeing people in person always provides a jolt.  Children show enormous changes over what feels like a relatively short period of time.  Over the same time period the adults around them also change, but those changes seem more slowly paced.  The changes in young people appear dramatic to the observer while changes in adults might be less obvious, more subtle.  Yet we adults still know how much we are changing.  We may not notice it on a daily basis, but eventually change becomes evident.  You can try to stave it off with hair dye and physical fitness, but inevitably we move a bit slower.  Healing takes longer.  Certain actions require more effort or preparation.

Some of us choose to fight with change.  Huge industries have been built around masking change.  There is hair dye and make up and cosmetic surgery.  Once this was primarily the province of women, but increasingly cosmetic counters are appealing to men also.  Our culture values youth.  And not just in terms of years, but also the way we look and behave.  Every day we are presented with images representing ideals.  Although we have learned that those images are rarely real, we can still feel that somehow we have to live up to those standards.

Then there’s the flip side:  recognizing change can feel like a losing battle so we resign ourselves and give up.  We think, “I can’t do ___ anymore (fill in the blank with whatever activity you’ve written off) so I’m just going to stop trying”.  Of course, eliminating or altering certain activities as we age can be a necessity due to our changing bodies.  A wise person learns to back off when expectations of one’s abilities stops matching the reality.  But even then change doesn’t have to mean all or nothing.  Life is rarely that simple.  There are often tweaks and modifications that allow us to continue finding things we can do that still give us pleasure.

In another version of the same problem, a person might recognize and accept change in themselves but then feel frustrated when others around them can’t or won’t do the same.  That person might think, “I keep telling them how much better things would be if they made this or that change, but still they won’t do it.” Unfortunately, none of us has any control over anyone else’s behavior.  Even our children.  Just as we are each different from our parents, are children are also separate individuals.  Of course, we all learn from each other, but each of us has our own way of interpreting and internalizing the inputs we receive. None of us ever really knows what goes on in another person’s mind.  For example, I might be thinking one thing when I say something to you, but you might hear what I say in a completely different way from my intention.  This is why as a teacher I am always looking for different ways of giving the same instruction.  Some people will learn from one method while others need another way to understand.  In my most recent post I talked about perception and how it varies for each of us. This is a prime example.  It does make relationships complicated.  But it’s also a reminder that human behavior is not always easily labeled.

Sometimes what feels like stagnation is really just super slow change.  Things don’t always happen on a time line we would like.  Progress on any front may seem painfully slow.  But frustration with the pace or nature of change usually occurs when making comparisons.  That might mean comparing things to some ideal that may or may not be achievable or comparing the present to a past that no longer exists and is never coming back.  Alternatively, sometimes it can feel like things are moving so fast that your head spins trying to keep up with it all.  You feel like you just want to hold on to something familiar rather than face the uncertainty of change.

No matter what we want, though, change is going to happen in its own time with or without us.  Our lives are brief and finite.  For us as humans time just keeps moving forward.  How much better it would be to simply accept what is and work from there.  Whatever stage your physical body is in at the present moment, it will be different tomorrow.  Not good or bad, better or worse.  Just different.  You might not feel yourself changing in this moment, but you are.  Go with the flow.  Be who you are.  As the song says, ” we are stardust; we are golden”.  Wherever you are right now it is where you are.  Tomorrow may be different.  But today is what it is.

I would be remiss if I didn’t mention the spectacular reminder this week of how small we really are.  Of course, I am referring to the eclipse. Regardless of our petty concerns, the stars and planets just keep moving.  On my walk today I listened to a podcast from Radiolab about the Voyager probe which has now gone beyond the edge of our solar system and is still moving.  Several years back, before it’s camera was turned off, Carl Sagan convinced NASA to turn the camera around for one final look back at our solar system from it’s vantage point more than 4 billion miles from our earth.  In that photo the earth is a tiny, barely visible blue dot.  Kind of puts everything back into perspective.

Coming Back

By Peg Ryan
Mile High Pilates and Yoga

At some point we all find ourselves in a place that forces us to change our perspectives and view life through a new lens.  Sometimes this transformation is sudden, as in the case of an accident, illness or loss of something or someone important to us.  In other examples the change is more gradual, such as the process of aging or accepting chronic conditions that may never completely disappear.  We find ourselves faced with “the new normal”.  Despite the fact that everything in life is always changing, most of us are wary or even downright afraid of what is unknown.  This causes us to cling to the familiar even if we are not completely happy with it.  We’ve all heard the expression, “the devil you know . . .” which is often used as a rationale for avoiding change.

We each have different ways of handling change.  Some of us resist the reality of change by resorting to denial.  We might think, “This isn’t really happening.  I will just keep on moving through life in the same way that I always have.” Others get angry and look for someone or something external to blame, as in “if it wasn’t for _____  (fill in the blank) everything would still be the same as it used to be.”  That may or may not be true, but unfortunately, it doesn’t change the reality of the situation.  Others despair, focusing on the loss rather than anything positive that remains and sometimes find themselves dissolving into depression.  Some consider themselves victims and wonder “why me?” Still others will accept the new normal and try to make the best of it.

It has long been a question among social scientists as to why some people can move through changes with relative equanimity, while others resist sometimes to the point of sacrificing their own health and well-being.  Most agree that the quality that sets the victims apart from the survivors is resilience.  The American Psychological Association defines resilience as “the process of adapting well in the face of adversity, trauma, tragedy, threats or significant sources of stress.  .  . It means “bouncing back” from difficult experiences.”  Furthermore, “Resilience is not a trait that people either have or do not have. It involves behaviors, thoughts and actions that can be learned and developed in anyone.” So this is not some innate quality that is part of our DNA, it is something that we can all develop.  It just takes practice.

No one escapes hardship in life.  We may think there are people who have it all together.  But deeper inspection often reveals hidden truths. Many years ago when I was dealing with a  particular set of changes in my life I met a woman who captured my admiration.  I thought, “If I could only be like her all my problems would be solved.”  Later I learned that beneath the appearance of perfection there was a deeply troubled soul who had a host of characteristics I was so grateful I didn’t have.  It was a simple but major lesson for me – nobody’s perfect.   Whatever someone else has that you think you want often accompanies many things that you’re better off without.

Getting back to resilience, I used to teach a class to prospective entrepreneurs about how to build a viable business.  It turns out resilience is also a key to successful entrepreneurship.  One might think that having lots of money is an important factor.  And, yes, having sufficient resources to survive good and bad times is necessary, especially during the start-up phase which often lasts several years.  Also important is a complete understanding of market conditions.  But being able make it through tough times and respond to changes as they become evident without clinging to some ideal image of the way things “should” be is right up there at the top of the list.  Followers of this blog might recognize this characteristic as something we cultivate in yoga and Pilates – namely, flexibility – being able to go with the flow without breaking.

So what does all this have to do with coming back?   That title could refer to many things, but, as you might have guessed, I am referring in particular to coming back from illness, injury or other forms of loss.  By loss I mean those related to changes in our ability to do the same things we’ve always done in the way we used to do them.  It also might mean loss of the illusion that we will ever be able to be like that other person who looks a certain way or who can do certain things that are unavailable to us in this moment.  In particular, each physical set-back I have reminds me of my limitations.  Regardless of how I feel or how I view myself, I am not the same person physically that I was 20 years ago.  This is not bad or good.  It just is what it is.  Knowing that, I can choose to lament the fact that I will probably never again run a marathon, or I can find joy in the fact that I can still hike in our beautiful outdoors on legs that not only work but are mostly pain-free.  So certain human frailties may be revealed, but also amazing strength.  I’ve had set-backs, but I’m still here and still moving.  How incredible is that!  Some days may be slower than others but that’s OK.  It is wonderfully liberating not to have to live up to anyone else’s standards.  Also I can still practice yoga and Pilates, both of which have contributed greatly to my physical capacity.  These are all disciplines that can be modified to meet my needs.  Some days I can do poses that are difficult on other days.  There is no rule that says I have to power through the difficult moves when they are not working for me.  I can modify or even skip them altogether and try again tomorrow.

Change may be constant, but sometimes it can’t be forced.  When you can’t change a situation, you can always change your attitude.  Here is a link to another article on “How to Build Resilience”.  The suggestion is given to “Reframe Your Interpretation”.  This is another way of saying find a different point of view.  Remember the old song that advised “accentuate the positive, eliminate the negative”?  You could almost use that for a mantra.  No matter how bad things seem, there is always something positive that is still available if you look for it. Even if it’s something really small, it’s worth focusing on until something better becomes visible. This isn’t necessarily easy and it won’t change reality, but it might help you get through it.  You may be losing something precious, but I would venture a guess that meaningful things in your life still exist.  Just like physical activity, this requires practice.  It may take many reminders throughout the day, but as neuroscientists are increasingly learning, we can create new pathways in our brains at any age.

So even if you think you have always been a certain way and can’t possibly change, train yourself to think as my favorite astrologer/philosopher Caroline Casey advises and add the words “until now!”.  You can change.  You just need to practice.  Accept what is and focus on what you can do right now. If it gets better, great!  If not, it’s still worthy of celebration.

accepting reality aging changes in your life decision to practice physical capabilities

Small Change

Photo: Pixabay

By Peg Ryan
Mile High Pilates and Yoga
November 6, 2016

Change is all around us all the time.  Whether we like it or not, everything is in a constant state of change.  All you have to do is look at a photo of yourself when you were a toddler and then look in the mirror.  Clearly you have not stayed the same.  Then look around you.  Look at the town you grew up in.  Even young people will undoubtedly see changes in their surroundings. I have lived in my current location for just under 9 years.  Not a very long period of time.  Yet during that time I have seen numerous changes in my town and surrounding towns.  People and businesses have come and gone. New homes have been built where fields or forests once thrived.  Smart phones are now ubiquitous. It doesn’t take very long for change to be noticeable.  Pay attention and you will see changes around you every day.  And despite resistance, going back to the way things used to be is not only unlikely but probably unwise.  Hindsight is 20-20 but our memories are selective and faulty.  Nothing was really ever as great as we think we remember it to be.

Yet despite the overwhelming evidence that nothing stays the same, we often cling to the hope that somehow we can hold on to the way things are right now.  Especially if right now seems like a particularly soothing or, at least, non-threatening place.

Change over time can be subtle, like the changes involved in the aging process.  For young children, change occurs at a rapid rate.  The difference between a 6-month old child and a 1-year old child is dramatic.  But through the years, change seems to slow to the point where we may not even pay attention until something forces us out of our complacency. Similarly, a seedling might grow really quickly once it pokes through the soil.  But large trees grow more slowly.  Seasonal changes are observable, but incremental growth patterns may be less obvious.

It is common to recognize the passage of time at certain milestones – the beginning of a new decade, a child or grandchild’s graduation or marriage.  Yet even as these things happen we often don’t see ourselves as changing.  After all, the “internal me” is the same “internal me” that has been there all my life. Sure, I’ve accumulated knowledge and experience over time that has enhanced the way “internal me” views the world, but in my own head I seem the same as I was 20 years ago.  So why is it that my body sometimes refuses to acknowledge the sameness of “internal me”?  It is not uncommon to continue to try doing things the way we’ve always done them because inside we feel the same as we always did. Unfortunately, though, forcing the status quo as our bodies are changing can be frustrating and even dangerous.

Then there are times when change is forced on us.  There might be an accident, illness, loss or other circumstance that forces us to confront the reality of change.  This type of sudden change can be very difficult to accept and absorb. Sometimes it’s appropriate and even necessary to simply put our lives on hold temporarily until a way forward becomes clear.  Certainly recovery from a trauma – physical and/or emotional – may require this approach.  Stop.  Breathe.  Assess the situation as it really is (not as we might like it to be) and then take the next step.  Blaming oneself or some external person or circumstance is rarely helpful.  Also wishing that things were different than what they are won’t make it so.  Looking back into some rosy ideal of the past also just keeps you trapped in thinking like a victim instead of the strong, confident and capable individual that you are.

But just how does one move forward when every new step leads to unknown territory?  The world can seem like a scary place when the comfortable rug of familiarity is pulled out from under your feet.  Curling up into a little ball and opting not to move may seem like an option, but it is unlikely to be a viable solution.  At least not for long, anyway.  So what is the best way to overcome the pain of those first steps into a new world?  One suggestion is to keep those steps small. This is true of any change to your life – whether it is a change you decide to make or one that was not your choice.

Any change in your life – even positive change – involves some type of loss.  In the simplest of terms, it is loss of the way things were.  Perhaps it is the loss of a comfortable routine.  Bringing this discussion to my favorite topic – physical movement – suppose you’ve been told by a medical professional that you need to move more.  Maybe you used to be an avid exerciser, but you’ve gotten away from it through the years.  Or perhaps you’ve suffered from an illness or accident that has caused you to limit or alter your mobility for a period of time.  In this blog I have often spoken of the difficulty of getting back into movement after a hiatus.  Continuous movement is the optimal option, but what happens when something gets in the way?

One idea is to take baby steps.  Once a decision to make a change is made, many of us want to have it all instantly.  That’s the way of life we are fed.  Immediate solutions.  Why wait, the ads scream?  Get what you want NOW!

But there are some potential problems with that kind of thinking.  If you’ve been away from moving for a while, it may be painful to start again.  Your muscles may have lost some of their strength and resilience.  It will take some time to build them back up again. Rather than eliminating your pain, re-building your strength may bring some additional pain initially. This can be discouraging.  If not moving seems to keep the pain at bay while moving brings it on again, why would you want to subject yourself to that?  The answer goes back to the theme of this blog – change.  It has been famously said that if you want things to change, you can’t keep doing the same thing.  Staying still might seem like it will keep you pain-free, but it won’t change anything.  And the longer you stay still, the harder it is to make that change.  By contrast the pain that comes when you move may not subside right away, but if you continue with small incremental steps, your body will get stronger.  Just like the subtle changes described above, you may not recognize the changes in your body, but eventually you may realize that today you were able to do more than you could yesterday.  That’s change in a positive direction.  You may find that you have to move differently from what you’ve been used to.  But if you continue with the practice of small changes, you will probably find a way that will work in your new reality whatever that may be.

Making changes in this way still takes a decision and a commitment.   This is true for any change you need to make in your life whether it is a job change, a geographical move or adapting to a loss.  Taking the first scary step toward a new reality is the hard part.  Once you know that first step is possible, taking the next one might create a bit less anxiety. The world didn’t end when you took the first step, so it probably will still be there after the second step. There is also another advantage to small steps.  You can evaluate as you go along.  Maybe your goals will change as you get stronger.  If you’ve waded into your new reality slowly and avoided diving into the deep end right away, adjusting your course might seem more possible.  Since change is all around us, it is also possible to create some of those changes for yourself. You may not be able to change everything, but your attitude is always within your control.

Finally, it may help to remember all of the obstacles you’ve overcome in your life.  No matter who you are or what you’ve done I am certain you can look back through your life and recognize instances when you adapted to change despite misgivings or odds that seemed stacked against you.  We’ve all had those experiences.  Maybe you made a false start and had to re-think and try again.  If you did it once, you can do it again.  Chances are you have already done it many times. We all have our own individual inner strengths.  Find yours.  It will help you to make the best choices as you move through change.

Mental Gymnastics

Photo:Pixabay.com

By Peg Ryan
Mile High Pilates and Yoga

Custer, SD – Most of us already know that exercise can contribute to improved physical health.  Studies continue to demonstrate that even small amounts of moderate exercise can reduce or delay the risk of a variety of diseases and disease precursors including heart disease, stroke, diabetes, high blood pressure, and osteoporosis.  Exercise can also help sufferers manage back pain and depression.  Balance, flexibility and postural training can help prevent falls.

According to an article  from the National Center for Biotechnology Information although “compromised bone strength (osteoporosis) and falling, alone, or more frequently in combination, are the two independent and immediate risk factors of elderly people’s fractures . . .  of these two, falling, not osteoporosis, is the strongest single risk factor for a fracture.”  The article goes on to say that “in fall prevention, regular strength and balance training, reducing psychotropic medication, and diet supplementation with vitamin D and calcium have been shown to be effective.”  Another article from the British Journal of Sports Medicine echoes this finding:  “Exercise is effective in lowering falls risk in selected groups and should form part of falls prevention programmes.”

Exercise is not only an important to our physical well-being but it contributes to our mental health as well.  Recentstudies , including one published in the Archives of Neurology, show a link between physical exercise and cognitive function.  ” ‘Our findings contribute to the growing body of literature that indicates the potentially beneficial relationship between physical exercise and cognition,’ Yonas E. Geda, MD, of the Mayo Clinic in Rochester, Minn., and colleagues concluded.”  Anothera rticle  asserts that exercise may even reduce the risk of dementia in people aged 65 and older. According to these researchers:  “Regular physical exercise is an important element in overall health promotion and might also be an effective strategy to delay onset of dementia.”  Exercise in this case was defined as a physical activity in which the subject engaged for a minimum of 15 minutes at least 3 times per week. Seems like a small price to pay for a potentially big benefit.

The importance of exercise to the physical body should come as no surprise, especially to regular exercisers.  The bonus of improved mental health is similarly not unexpected among those who recognize that all systems in the human body are related and interconnected.  (And, yes, that means our teeth, eyes and feet are all contributors to our overall health despite the fact that our health care system considers them separate.  But that’s a topic for another day.)

What may be less well-studied, but no less apparent to active people, is that the converse is also true.  Lack of movement contributes to decline of many physical and mental functions.  Recently a participant in one of my classes was lamenting the fact that the decline seems to accelerate with aging and become that much more difficult to overcome.  This means that if we stop moving, it becomes that much harder to get moving again.  The less we move, the less we want to move so lack of movement ends up contributing to further lack of movement.  Nobody really knows why this happens, but one thing is certain.  It takes mental as well as physical strength to get back in gear.  This is the function of the Warrior in yoga.  It’s not about destruction or revenge, it’s about exercising courage and overcoming obstacles.

Most of the time, we create our own obstacles.  We are really good at making excuses for not doing the things we want to do.  Of course, we are only hurting ourselves by constructing these fences, but sometimes that gives us another rationale. We fall into a self-pity trap that begins “if only . . . ”  You can fill in your own blank here.  Examples, “if only I hadn’t gotten injured” or “if only I wasn’t overweight” or “if only the weather was better”, etc. etc.  You get the idea.

Here is one of the most common obstacles I find when people are trying to get back into moving:  “if only I could still do what I used to be able to do.”  This is simply imposing unrealistic expectations on ourselves.  The way things were will always be part of the past and unless someone invents some kind of time machine, we can never go back there.  All the lamenting and nostalgia in the world won’t make that possible.  Our old frenemy change will always come back to haunt us.  Nothing stays the same.  Change is constant regardless of how fervently we resist it.

So the best we can do is use the present to pave the way for the future.  There are no guarantees.  We can’t go back, but we also can’t see into the future.  Stuff happens and despite the pronouncements of various pundits and so-called experts there is no way to tell what will happen tomorrow.  But we can do the best we can to deal with what we are presented with today.  If you’re trying to start or get back into a regular movement practice, there is no better time than right now.  But you may need to get out of your own way to do it.  Instead of making excuses for why it is not possible, try to make it a priority.  Carve out the time just as you would if you were making an important appointment.  After all, what good are you without your health?  You can’t help anyone else unless you first help yourself. If you’ve ever flown in a commercial airplane you might remember the admonishment of the safety instructions:  put on your own oxygen mask first.  You can’t give what you haven’t got.  And we all have much to give.  Instead of fixating on what you can’t do, try focusing on what you can do and move from there.  Start with a small dose and move from there.  Get up and walk around the house.  Stand up and stretch.  You can do it!

Getting started is hard.  That’s true.  But call on your inner Warrior.  Take baby steps.  Start with 5 minutes.  Like we used to say in ultrarunning, start slow and back off.  If you want to take a class, just go.  Let go of vanity.  We all look funny moving around in a class.  A sense of humor is a great ally.  Remind yourself that you can stop any time.  There are no class police.  No one will arrest you for doing something different from what other people are doing. You don’t have to force anything.  Just stop when you need to.  Any movement is better than no movement at all.  Once you get started, it becomes that much easier to keep going.

The simple act of moving will help reduce your stress levels and improve your overall health.  It is almost guaranteed that you will feel better after you’re done than you did before you started.  And once you have the experience of knowing you can do it, draw on that strength to keep at it.  Changes can be subtle and sometimes we don’t notice them right way.  Don’t let that discourage you.  Just keep moving.  If you keep at it you will see a difference.